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Monthly Archives: August 2016

About Soulmate Relationships

Andora booked a session to get clarity on a relationship separate.

“I felt so beyond any doubt he was the One!” she let me know. “We’re perfect partners, I’m certain of it! How could our relationship not last?”

We spoke more about her relationship, then went into the perusing to decide the way of their spirit understanding. Is it safe to say that they were karma mates? Twin souls? Alternately, as she felt, perfect partners?

By comprehension the way of their souls’ understanding, we could pick up knowledge into the way of the lessons introduced by the separation and help Andora proceed onward.

What Is a Soulmate?

The word soulmate is used very casually in our culture, but in truth, it’s a very specific kind of agreement. Soulmates are souls who have incarnated many times together, and who “recognize” each other on a soul level. Most of us don’t have the kind of communication with our higher self/soul to understand this recognition consciously, but we do experience it as a deep comfort and familiarity with each other even when we’ve just met.

Like with karma mates, sometimes there is karma carried over from past lives that each person is trying to resolve. But there’s also learning that each soul wants to have—so that the lifetime they share is more about a joint experience rather than repayment or balancing the scales, so to speak.

I like to use the visual of a coffee bar where souls meet and come together in between lifetimes. Like meeting up with an old friend, we chat about what we want to experience in our next lifetime and agree to share that with one of our “family” of souls. It’s like choosing off the great karmic menu. What we choose may not necessarily involve shared past agreements that need to be cleaned up.

Types of Soulmates

Soulmates can be friends, lovers, family or pets. For example, a fellow colleague of mine, Jasmine, and I were in a past life together where we were both victims of the Inquisition. When we met in the “coffee bar” we decided that it would be fun to have the experience of helping each other and sharing gifts in the next life (rather than dying in a horrible execution!). We have an innate comfort and trust with each other and share tools and resources.

Another client, Chantal, has a cat named Ginger with whom she has an uncanny bond. She adopted the cat in unusual circumstances, knowing as soon as she saw him that they had to be together. The animal contributes as much to her life (or more) than some of her relationships with people. She was curious about the connection and so we looked at it in a session. Sure enough, their two souls had shared many lives. Chantal in fact had been Ginger’s familiar in a previous life, and they had been married in yet another.

These examples illustrate another feature of the soulmate relationship: they can be between animals, friends, and family, not just romantic partners. Some people believe that you can have soulmate relationships with places, wild animals, or even trees.

Aren’t Soulmates Supposed to Be Forever?

This is a common question, and one that brings us back to Andora’s dilemma. Because of movies, pop songs, and romance novels, people believe that the soulmate relationship should last forever, and be problem-free — if it doesn’t, then it isn’t a soulmate. If we look at the “lifetime” of actual souls, which don’t die, then yes, any relationship could last forever. But in terms of our human experience of another, this obviously isn’t possible.

Soulmate connections can last a lifetime, but so too can karma mates (though this is less common). It all depends on the agreement and what the two souls want to experience. And no relationship is without problems and challenges, not if it has any kind of depth.

When we looked at the agreement between Andora and her ex, Damon, I learned that Andora’s feeling that they were soulmates had been correct. And their meeting—very synchronous—with the hallmark of instant familiarity was another sign.

The reading revealed that they had come together to grow through love and the loss of that love. Andora’s soul wanted to experience the transformative power of grief and forgiveness, and Damon had volunteered, as a soulmate, to help her have that experience. Though it didn’t make sense to Andora’s heart, on a soul level she and Damon had accomplished exactly what they wanted to.

How Do I Know If Another Is A Soulmate?

As I mentioned, soulmates usually meet in a way that feels synchronistic. If you have an instant rapport, comfort, or familiarity that is another sign. Often soulmates are on a parallel life track and have uncanny similarities. Andora and Damon felt committed to a unique vision of community living, which sustained their relationship for many years. A soulmate relationship is like a harmonious chord in music: all the notes sound good together and feel connected. Even the challenges.

The bond between soulmates, be they friend, animal, or romantic, often are described as deep or rooted. Many people who don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory of past lives will say that they feel that type of connection, even though it doesn’t make sense to them.

And if soulmate relationships end, the feeling of the bond often endures, even if the two are completely cut off or separated from each other.

As human consciousness evolves and society changes, there is less need for a single romantic relationship that lasts an entire human lifetime. Many souls incarnating now are choosing to experience more personal freedom within the context of many different kinds of relationships.

Though the ending of relationships will always present some emotional challenge, from a soul perspective, that isn’t a bad thing. Growing through pain could be just the thing we ordered off the karmic menu.

Know If You are Ready for New Relationship

Although the season is ripe with new beginnings, we don’t always know if we’re ready for them. Clients are always bringing up common themes this time of year: “Am I ready for a new relationship? Can you help me know if I’m really ready to trust again?” As an advisor, I love these questions! If you’re asking, it means you’re giving some thought to a new relationship instead of just diving into a potentially messy situation. Over many years and many clients, I’ve come to find some common themes that point to a person’s readiness to begin again.

Self-Love

Self-love seems obvious, right? Yet an alarming amount of adults experience feelings of self-loathing, which can create patterns of negativity and doubt in relationships.

Clients who hate their bodies attract partners who are judgmental about their bodies. Those who feel they aren’t good enough might settle for a relationship that doesn’t suit their needs. People who don’t trust will attract those who are untrustworthy.

The best way to attract a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship is to practice self-love. Clients often have no idea what this looks like. For my part, as an intuitive advisor, I help them become aware of their energetic defenses and the lies they harbor about themselves. Lies like “I’m no good” or “I can’t trust anyone” or “I’m not safe with men.” People are often not even aware that these tapes are being played subconsciously and shaping their entire lives.

Once aware of these faulty beliefs, I recommend working closely with a healer, psychic, astrologer, or therapist to move on from self-hate towards self-love.

Even if you don’t feel a strong sense of self-loathing, there are still practices that help with any insecurities you might have. My favorite is to imagine the young child within that is still hungry for love. You don’t have to focus on traumatic or negative memories. Just the sheer awareness of your inner child can soften your attitude toward yourself.

I have clients bring in a picture of themselves at anywhere from two to eight years of age. I ask them to create an altar for this child. The altar can include toys, flowers, artwork, a favorite saved baby dress—whatever honors their memory. Then I ask clients to spend just a few moments daily with their younger selves. Looking at your sweet, lovely, innocent face fosters feelings of love, protection, and devotion towardyourself! You love this child—which translates as love towards yourself.

Clients who commit to this process know how to care for their young energy. This allows them to be more vulnerable, which allows greater connection with other humans. Self-loving clients attract others who are in that same process of discovery and self-care.

Letting Go of Fear

The old adage is true: when you aren’t looking for love, love will find you.

When clients come to me with desperation in their aura, I know they aren’t ready. This is most common among people who are afraid to be alone, and afraid of what that says about them in society. Frantically scrambling for a loving and healthy relationship is a losing game. Your desperation will cloud the clarity necessary to find a good match.

Most people—and yes, there are exceptions—will have times in their life when they aren’t in a relationship. I had a client who was single for over 20 years. She really had come to accept a life without a partner. When she let go of the final vestige of self-judgment around her single status, she found great peace. Two years later, she eloped to Hawaii, hand-in-hand with a new, loving partner.

Forgiveness

The biggest obstacle to starting a new relationship is ongoing blame, grudges, and anger towards an ex. I know, these feelings can be powerful—I’ve been there, too! Depending on the length and intensity of the relationship, it can take years to completely forgive your ex-partner.

Now, do clients have to 100 percent forgive their ex-partner to be able to be in a new relationship? No—but they need to have at least started processing their blame and anger. Otherwise, these feelings will get projected in some fashion onto the new partner.

If I read for someone and their field is full of their ex’s energy, or there is a lot of anger or grief, we will clear and process some of this energy. Some clients will feel angry at themselves for their role in the relationship and need to forgive themselves. At the end of the reading, I may tell them they need to do more work before meeting someone new. They don’t always listen—they’re only human! But 90 percent of the time, they come back in with a new relationship wrought with the same mistakes, same patterns, and same heartache (and headache) of the old relationship.

Clients who actively participate in processing feelings and working toward forgiveness gain a greater clarity into their patterns of dysfunction. Hopefully, this clarity empowers them to find a new relationship free of these destructive habits and full of the love they crave.

Tips Online Dating for Women

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It’s been for a short time since you dated. You were hitched, or in a long haul, conferred relationship, and after that, for reasons unknown, it finished. All of a sudden, you wind up in another world in which the guidelines of dating have changed and you are uncertain how to begin.

Internet dating for ladies hoping to begin once again can be alarming. Any relationship that is more seasoned than a cell phone—that is to say, around 10 years or more—is one that began before an incredible movement happened in how individuals meet their adoration advantages. Individuals have been meeting online for more than that, obviously, yet as of late as 15 years back, it was still (unreasonably) thought to be interesting. Presently, it is typical, and it accompanies its own particular standards and dialect.

This can be scary to navigate, especially because after leaving a long relationship—one in which you may have thought you’d be in forever—you can be emotionally vulnerable. Unfortunately, vulnerability is one of the primary sources of prey on the internet: It’s something that the worst among us can exploit for their own bitter or misogynistic ends. Those kinds of people don’t have to bother you, though, if you are strong and sure of yourself. One way to accomplish that is to meet with a spiritual advisor to understand your strengths and weaknesses before diving back into the pool. It can help you swim.

Online Dating Tips For Starting Over

When you are ready, here are a few things to keep in mind when you decide to dive back into dating:

• Don’t think the next date has to be “the one.” You’ve been in a relationship for a long time, and for a lot of people, that means there was a certain comfort in having someone near at all times, even if the romance was gone. We are social creatures, and we get used to people. We get used to having someone there in the morning. When online dating after a divorce, it is easy to say, “Well, I don’t see a long future with that guy; he works weird hours.” But you shouldn’t let that stop you. This isn’t about “he might be the one.” It’s about giving yourself a chance to rediscover who you are when you are dating. You don’t have to meet a spouse right away. Nor should you believe that that’s the goal. If you do, you’ll put too much pressure on yourself and will never get started.

• Be honest, even if you think others aren’t. Starting an online dating profile is an exercise in temptation. I want to be in better shape and plan to be, so it is okay if I say I already am, right? Sure, a little exaggeration is acceptable. After all, we all put our best foot forward when meeting someone. We might tell a white lie aboutpretending to like indie movies when we see nothing but romcoms—but making an aspirational profile will just end up backfiring. You are who you are, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are a woman who has been out of the dating arena, and now you are back in. Don’t hide what shouldn’t be hidden.

• Don’t take the jerks personally. You’ve probably heard that online dating can be a cruel world in which bitter and petty people take out their anger on a whole gender and abuse you with names if you have the audacity to turn them down. Unfortunately, that can be true. It’s not many people, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t shocking and sickening when it happens to you. On many sites, you can report them, but remember: It isn’t about you personally. It has nothing to do with you as a person. Don’t let it throw you off from discovering yourself. You shouldn’t let anyone define you, much less the creepiest and the smallest.

• Don’t take rejection personally. So many people are just flipping through and making snap judgements. You might be doing the same. Others may have more solid reasons. It’s easy to think that any rejection is a reflection of you, but that is a non-empathetic way of looking at it. Remember that many people are in the same situation you are in. They might be scared, frightened of rejection, or nervous about acceptance. Maybe they are new to this. Everyone has their own story, and it doesn’t always revolve around you. Shake off rejection and keep moving forward. If you are confident in yourself, it shouldn’t bother you.

• It can be like a normal relationship. You might think that everything has changed, but that’s not totally true. The modality has changed, but not the people. You can go on a date and then talk on the phone a few times before meeting again, just like before. You can talk on the phone first (some people suggest that to get a better feeling — but it is up to you!). You don’t have to feel pressure to act in any way. You also don’t have to be calm. You can be butterflied and excited and nervous and dreading it and bursting with anticipation at the same time. Human emotions haven’t changed. You don’t have to pretend that we are in a world that is somehow less fraught with excitement, irrationality, and the joy of falling in love.

 Go slow—you aren’t part of the on-demand economy. When online dating, there is a lot of pressure to act. After all, you’ve been matched up with someone, and they are messaging you. But that’s not how it works. Whether you are using a more relaxed site like eHarmony or Match or a supposed hookup site like Tinder, you are allowed to go at your own pace and turn things down if you want. There isn’t an Uber for dating. You have full agency over your choices, and you can’t let anyone pressure you into anything.

The most important tip is to be yourself, and the best way to do that is to know yourself. It can be hard to understand who you are when you’re single if you have been part of a couple for so long. Even people who are fiercely independent begin to see themselves as part of a pair, even if just out of habit. That’s normal and being cut adrift from that can be jarring.

That’s why so many people turn to spiritual advisors: psychics, tarot readers, astrologers, and more. We can help you discover your fears and your hopes, and how to achieve them. We work with you to understand what you need and what your path is. We give you the confidence to stretch out, plug in, boot up, and start dating. We work with ancient wisdom to give you the most powerful and important gift of all: the power of self-definition.

Dating has always been a rough world, and the rise of internet-based protection can bring out the worst in people. But it can also bring out the best. Tenderness and kindness still exist, they don’t have to be blotted out by cruelty. You can find the joy and the sweet terror of a new relationship as long as you are true to yourself.